The Staff Christmas Party.
® Her Grace (in the United Kingdom) 24 Nov 2001 at 16:06 GMT

My faithful Wilf has humbly requested the use of the Ivory Tower's Ball Room for the annual Staff
Christmas Party. As usual I have agreed to his request and also booked a room at Claridge's so I
don't have to put up with the disagreeable music he plays. However as a sign of my goodwill I will
send a crate of his favourite pale ale.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 24 Nov 2001 at 16:16 GMT

Just one crate? You tight Old Tart.

What about a mince-pie?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Her Grace (in the United Kingdom) 24 Nov 2001 at 21:04 GMT

Certainly not ! Rot his teeth, well those which remain.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® mouse (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 12:18 GMT

I was thinking of holding a staff Xmas party as well - but I guess me and harpie will just have to
drink a glass of sherry with the Queen's speach instead.
Unless anyone knows where to get a photocopier off course!

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® dancesliketwat (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 12:38 GMT

What's a photocopier doing on t' course! Must be be bloody annoying for all the golfers out there!

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 17:37 GMT

Now listen up, as you have read Herr Grace as kindly ley the BR members use the Ivory Tower for a
Christmas Bash, and I have been asked to organise it (God help you), now this place of hers is huge
so I need some help. I think fancy dress would be interesting, any ideas to make it a night never
to forget? mouse stop squeaking and get plane tickets booked for you and harpie to get yourselves
down here to help. I have approached Robbie Williams to see if he will provide the Caberet, if he
can't a Dickie Valantine lookalike has promised to take over, oh and Craig Doyle is coming (I
hope), plus other well known show biz faces. IDEAS PLEASE, boys.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Andrew pittaway (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 17:40 GMT

a come on er i mean as Craig Doyle party?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 17:41 GMT

*Herr* Grace. Most appropriate.

Where's my invite?

[sulx]

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Andy Essex (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 17:56 GMT

Well let us know where it is, and we will be there in our trademark white stillies!!

How Essex is that???

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Brodie (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:01 GMT

wilf, if CD is going he'll need to behave himself. He has a 5 day New Year house party in Aldeburgh,
Suffolk starting on the 29th and I *don*t want him to be whacked, as in tired out.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:04 GMT

Well, if Brodie is going to be there in trad. dress I suppose GMBoy will do the "Roman" thing and
show up with a mirror on a stick...

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:05 GMT

What? Where? Where exactly?

Aldeburgh is just within cruising distance

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:10 GMT

Well, toss your knickers to the wind and see where they land. That's pretty much how Brodie plans
travel.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® MalB @ Work (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:13 GMT

How about "Vicars and Tarts"? I know it's a bit passe but there is one BR occasional visitor &
partner who would fit the bill nicely

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:15 GMT

Hmmm, on cruise we once did Pimps, Pirates, Prostitutes and Politicans. Of course, in the UK you'd
want to add Prisoners.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:16 GMT

You couldn't possibly be referring to the Happy Highlanders by chance?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® MalB @ Work (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:18 GMT

No Graham, in the other direction and MUCH further. A certain BR member might also be known as the
lady of the manse.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:21 GMT

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:22 GMT

Happy Highlanders! Love the name. Are they based in Stirling?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
Her Bitchiness (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:39 GMT

Wrong again. Elgin methinks.

Stirling isn't in the Highlands anyway.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 25 Nov 2001 at 18:47 GMT

But isn't it a highland regiment which is stationed in the castle? Or am I thinking that all
Scottish regiments are highlanders?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® MalB @ Work (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 19:02 GMT

adl, Stirling isn't in the highlands. I lived there for 7 years. HB is correct on that one.

I don't know where the Highlands officially start but I would think north of the Tay (rather than
the Forth) is a reasonable estimate on the east. On the west, probably north of the Clyde valley.

It may be a highland regiment stationed in Stirling Castle. Highland regiments were stationed in
India, that doesn't put Bombay in the Highlands. The KOSB are (were?) one non-highland Scottish
regiment.

I'll shut up now. Too much wine making me even more loquacious than usual.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 19:17 GMT

I reckon they start at Perth.

adl, Elgin is about 20 miles east of Inverness

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 25 Nov 2001 at 19:27 GMT

Guys, guys, guys, I didn't say Stirling was in the highlands. I just asked if there was a highland
regiment there? I've been to Stirling as well, spent a few nights in the pub/inn next to the
castle. Been to Perth as well (I've never seen so many roundabouts in my life! Something like 15 in
18 miles, or 18 in 15 miles!)

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 25 Nov 2001 at 19:35 GMT

Okay, since I never throw anything out. Stirling Castle is the HQ for the Argyle & Sutherland
Highlanders. Now, given that Argyle Lodge is just outside the castle, don't we all feel a little
foolish for not putting that together? So a highland regiment is there. I assume some of them are
"happy".

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® MalB @ Work (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 19:42 GMT

Sophistry.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 25 Nov 2001 at 20:15 GMT

Big word for a man who claims to have been into his cups today.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® MalB @ Work (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 20:22 GMT

I am NOT in my cups. I have only had one bottle of wine and a couple of small gins.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® h™ (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 21:28 GMT

40 miles, Graham - 20 is Nairn.

Stricly speaking, we're not in the Highlands either - they begin about 20 miles south of here -
we're in the coastal plain of Moray.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Satyricon (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 22:48 GMT

I think MalB may be referring to our much-missed G&T and partner.

And LOL @ "manse", MalB !

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 25 Nov 2001 at 22:50 GMT

Didn't G&T post a note a while ago that he might be in England in January?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Satyricon (in the United Kingdom) 25 Nov 2001 at 23:04 GMT

Did he? I missed that with my flitting about.

I wish he posted more often!

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 25 Nov 2001 at 23:08 GMT

I think he suffers from having to work, plus being a dozen time zones away. But I am sure he wrote
something about January because I thought February might be doable for me, and I would miss him
again.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® MalB @ Work (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 12:31 GMT

Glad someone's awake, Sat.

What's funny about "manse"? You didn't expect me to write "vicarage" did you?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Her Grace (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 16:20 GMT

Oh do stop all this talk of Scotland. I loath Scotland, save in August for the grouse.

While it is none of my business - I will be ensconced at Claridge's - I do think fancy dress would
be rather jolly.

Wonder what the Suffolk Windbag would come as ? Perhaps a wind-sock.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 17:01 GMT

Your Grogginess, I would indeed love to attend the knees¹-up I am unable to confirm attendance as
the bafflingly faithful, but increasingly forgetful, Wilf has yet to announce the date of the
event. I think he is too distracted by his wardrobe.

¹ - and anything else?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 26 Nov 2001 at 17:30 GMT

Well, I wouldn't expect some of the fragile ol' knees in here to go too high up.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 18:37 GMT

It's to be held at the Ivory Towers, on Christmas Day, handsom cabs provided from Bradford Rail
Station, for VIP's coaches from the Towers. Vicars and Tarts might be OK, but we were hoping for
something more glamorous, like Stars of the 30's. Graham no invites just turn up love, would Stevie
do a quiz for us? Brodie in brocade, that what I picture, you could be........., Gloria Swanson.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
bolly Baby (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 18:44 GMT

Well As a Fancy Dress party you could have the theme as your favourite Uniform Barbie or Famous
Couples and hope that you have a few Gilberts for George and Harrys for Sallys etc

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 18:49 GMT

Good idea darling, glas someone is getting into the spirit of things.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 26 Nov 2001 at 18:52 GMT

FYI, bolly Baby, there is already a Burberry Barbie. It comes framed for $149. Frankly, I would be
happy with the $65 Hermes play cards.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Brodie (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 18:57 GMT

I'm ready for my close-up Mr Dewilf.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 19:02 GMT

LOL @ Brodie, Ooooh how camp! I can see you now Brodie tottering down that wonderful staircase at
the Ivory Tower, you would be a sensation.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Brodie (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 19:03 GMT

Should I start practising in the heels now, to avoid the 'totter'?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 19:08 GMT

Oh yes indeed, I'll give you lessons Brodie, cause I shall be going as Betty Grable, (I have the
legs, after waxing of course), I what I can't do with a pair of high heels, stair case is no
problem. Oh and CD is coming as Dan Dailey, so that me fixed up.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Brodie (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 19:26 GMT

Would you be planning a remake of "When My Baby Smiles at Me" wilf? I don't think that CD is tall
enough for the Dan Dailey role, though I think you'd be *perfect* as Betty G., and with inflation
those legs must now be insured for £10m at least.

CD will of course be 'Bill Holden' to my 'Gloria' but the ending will be different to "Sunset
Boulevard". No shooting, at least not with a gun,just the two of us going down the Boulevard and
into the Sunset.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
Bolly Baby (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 19:32 GMT

No Brodie you need the Night and Day Barbies, designed by Bob Mackie at £300 a pop last time I
looked. An absolute Bargain

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® MalB @ Work (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 19:39 GMT

Inflation might also explain how La Grable's legs came to resemble wilf's

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Brodie (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 19:39 GMT

BB, I think I once had the 'night and day barbies' after a rather 'busy' night in Luxor. I put it
down to the poor quality of the Egyptian wine.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 26 Nov 2001 at 19:46 GMT

I won $20 racing Barbies.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Her Grace (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 20:34 GMT

For those coming by train, Saddleworth Halt is the nearest station.

I think 'Vicars & Tarts' rather common. However as this is becoming a rather popular event I
shall donate yet another crate of Wilf's favourite Pale Ale.

Claridge's will seem all very dull.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 26 Nov 2001 at 23:17 GMT

Your Grace could always "Be at Home", better than whooshing off to London, and we all know you go
and stay with Lord Upham, isn't he loosing interest now after 70 years you being his mistress?
MalB please remember I won the Betty Grable lookalike owing entirely because of my legs (waxed),
been around the world my legs have and innumerable men.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® mouse (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 10:01 GMT

You tart!

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® chinewrde (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 10:06 GMT

still being shagged by upham at two hundred and whatever? it would be like fucking sandpaper; poor
old sod must have a cock like sharpened pencil

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:20 GMT

LOL @ Chine, just so, can you imagine the noise they make.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:22 GMT

Catching up with lots of missed BR stuff, but I can only be arsed to read this thread if I'm in it.
Am I ?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® chinewrde (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:25 GMT

probably, love.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:26 GMT

That's what is so lovely about PQ - not an ounce of ego.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:28 GMT

I prefer to think of it as honesty !

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:29 GMT

I had been told you were coming as Shelly Winters PQ, in her heyday I quickly add, but then I can't
see you being arsed to travel to Yorkshire.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:30 GMT

I prefer to measure in pounds...

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:31 GMT

I love Yorkshire, but I see myself more as a hybrid of Gina Lollobrigida & Hylda Baker.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Ganymede (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:33 GMT

Shelley Winters in Poseidon Adventure! That might be fun. You'd have to turn all the furniture
upside down though .......

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® adl (in Canada) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:34 GMT

Half a bottle of port should do that.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:37 GMT

Most of it is at the Ivory Tower Ganymede, What a combination PQ, can just see you sat sitting,
waiting for your programme to be filled, so I will ask you now to do the Nellie Pledge Polka with
me.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 16:49 GMT

What a thought

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Her Grace (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 17:35 GMT

Yes PQ, I give you Hilda Baker. You are every ounce her.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 22:52 GMT

Ooops, I have a feeling you might suffer for that last remark Your Grace, if PQ can be arsed to move
past his last posting. What may I ask is Your Grace doing out of bed at this hour, I have hidden
the key to the cellar, so clear off back to the four poster.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Brodie (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 22:57 GMT

Could this be insubordination in the ranks, wilf.

Has the 'worm' finally turned against HG?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 23:03 GMT

No, no, Brodie, she won't remember what I say (It's the stout). When you have be "In Waiting" all
day, it can be a strain, it takes a lot longer to get her into bed than ever it did CD, and there
is this party to arrange, everyone being so difficult, what is wrong with a party on Christmas Day?
By the way Brodie., would you know the name of that lovely young man, character name Danny in
Holby City, every time he appeared on screen my wardrobe doors kept opening and closing at a rapid
rate, as though they were yearning for me to push the TV in there.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Brodie (in the United Kingdom) 27 Nov 2001 at 23:35 GMT

Sorry, wilf, I'm not au fait with the goings on in Holby City, but I'm sure someone will come up
with the info.. There's probably a site which I should check out in the interests of research.


BTW, don't you ever get the urge to free yourself from Her Grace's chiffon bonds? You can break
free....go on....go on...go on..GO ON.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 28 Nov 2001 at 09:09 GMT

Thank you, Your Grace, to be equated with the divine Hylda (note the 'y', please) has set me up
nicely for the day. She was a goddess.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 28 Nov 2001 at 11:03 GMT

She knows ya know.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 28 Nov 2001 at 11:06 GMT

Be soon, I said, beeeee soooooooooon.

(Ha ! That'll confuse the fuck out of the youngsters !!)

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® chinewrde (in the United Kingdom) 28 Nov 2001 at 11:07 GMT

i dont think you've had the pleasure of me yet

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 28 Nov 2001 at 11:08 GMT

LOL @ PQ. (Wonder if Cynthiaaaaaa gets an invite)

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 28 Nov 2001 at 11:09 GMT

You can't come in here and call me a painted husky !

Don't go in there, it's like Sodom and tomorrow !

Have you been, Walter ?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
Pisces Boy (in the United Kingdom) 28 Nov 2001 at 11:16 GMT

Yes, I am confused, I scrolled far too quickly through all this and it seems a blur of Betty
Grable's legs, a cock like a sharpened pencil and some Hilda Baker reference. As for Jeremy
Edwards, I stood next to him at the bar at GAY when S Club 7 were on. He was wearing a VIP sticker
and I wasn't. I am reliably informed he is going out with Rachel.

As for this party, I expect there'll be sherry trifle

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 28 Nov 2001 at 11:27 GMT

Thanks for the info PB, so he is Jeremy Edwards, and very nice too, lucky you getting a good view.
Of course there will be sherry trifle, all kinds of trifle come to that, trifle with what you will.
Brodie, Don't ask me to leave Her Grace, how would the old trout manage, and besides I get all the
perks, you should see the under cook, and thats where you can usually find him as well, he is
divine, smouldering dark looks, jet black hair, glorious eyes, hairy chest and legs, Oh must go and
get myself a Prozac.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 28 Nov 2001 at 12:45 GMT

Forget Hylda Baker, it_can_be done.

BTW I always thought it was Sniffia

As for The Southern Cross, I think that, given his oft declared fondness for kitchen and cellar
produce, a resemblance to one half of the two Fat Ladies is more appropriate.









The surviving half








obviously

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 28 Nov 2001 at 12:52 GMT

I saw her at Edinburgh Airport once, stuffing a Danish pastry down her gob at a rate of knots, but
managing to get most of it down her exceedingly ample cleavage.

As for 'Forget Hylda Baker', you may as well say forget *life*.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Her Grace (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 11:11 GMT

Of course it doesn't take much to confuse the young ones on here. Most are confused to start with.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 13:55 GMT

Bitter disapointment, Robbie Williams has declined to do the Cabaret for the party at the Ivory
Tower, he says her is fearful he might succomb to temptation, (CD must have been talking), then
Rupert might get jealous and that would ruin Christmas. Ah well we still have the Dickie Valentine
look alike, AND I am told The Beverley Sister are looking for work, and adore gays, should I
approach them? they only want £50 a piece, or was that altogether.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Toptom (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 14:29 GMT

suddenly I'm going off the whole idea.

Is it to be fancy dress? I can't remember if any decision was made and I certainly don't want to
turn up there done up as Her Grace only to find everyone else in DJs.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 15:56 GMT

In DJs ? Not in Jonathan King, I hope.

(Nb. post-King trial, ex-Radio One Mike Reid reputedly gone on a looooooooooong holiday.)

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
¿ chinewrde (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 16:04 GMT

mike reid? jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus

did you see the news of the world last sunday? i'd love to know if that 700 page report from the
met. was real and did contain allegations about peers of the realm etc

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 16:19 GMT

And Tony Hart, who did the art shows on kids' TV. Allegedly.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Ged (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 16:24 GMT

Chine, if you read this fortnights private eye, they have some comments on that list. Apparantly the
peer has been dead for 2 years, was cleared of all charges. They only say that coz he can't sue.
The reason that they won't name the DJs invovled is because no-one's heard of them. Other papers
have already reported Radio 1 DJ chris Denning has been questioned, but as noone knew who he was,
it wasn't considered newsworthy!

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
¿ chinewrde (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 16:25 GMT

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! not him! it'd be like finding johnny morris was a kiddy
winky fiddler

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 16:25 GMT

Wasn't it the old Speaker of the Commons, Lord Tonypandy ? Appararently he was handy & randy
& anyone's for a shandy, Lord Tonypandy

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® PQ (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 16:26 GMT

Johnny Morris was not a paed, but he *was* a long-term financial supporter of neo-fascist groups.
Sorry !!!!

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
¿ chinewrde (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 16:28 GMT

oh christ on a bike, pq. you really are the most spiteful image-shatterer


mind you, it reminds me of that fab incident with the other mcwherter (sp?) who got shot by the IRA

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 17:58 GMT

Er, excuse me, what as all that guff got to do with Her Graces Christmas Party. Toptom sweetheart
"Stars of the Thirties" is the theme, and I think you would make a perfect Hedy Lamarr, chine could
be your partner and be Victor Mature, I'm sure Bottomtom wouldn't mind, and just for you NO
Beverley Sisters, they would got everybodys nerves anyway, all that giggling. Boys we need someone
to cater, who is good with food? step forward please. Note: Her Grace refuses to allow her chef to
help, she needs him at Claridges.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® mouse (in the United Kingdom) 29 Nov 2001 at 18:22 GMT

How about one fat lady?
Oh no, we have one of those already!
How about that really camp bloke - Richard something?
Oh no, that's covered as well!!
mmm, looks like it might have to be Jamie Oliver!

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Toptom (in the United Kingdom) 30 Nov 2001 at 08:18 GMT

thanks for the clarification, Wilf. I don't think Hedy Lamarr would be very suitable after the
haircut I had yesterday, but I could probably manage Boris Karloff. And of course Chinewrde would
make an adorable Robert Newton.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Her Grace (in the United Kingdom) 30 Nov 2001 at 22:46 GMT

Indeed chef will be with me at Claridge's. You may have the pastry chef instead. He seems to spend
most of his time in Wilf's apartment anyway. Why I don't make him pay his wages I can't imagine.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 30 Nov 2001 at 22:57 GMT

The pastry chef only comes to my apartment so I can try out his titbits Your Grace. Toptom what a
good idea for chinewrde, who better than to come as dear old Robbie Newton. there's an old bird and
a crutch or two at the Ivory Tower he could use for props. I am not sure Jamie Oliver is what we
want mouse, he tends to chuck the food around rather, it falls in a heap, and thats how it is
served, not really Ivory Tower standards.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Her Grace (in the United Kingdom) 1 Dec 2001 at 16:35 GMT

You seem to forget,the 'old bird' will be at Claridge's.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 1 Dec 2001 at 16:57 GMT

I think Wilf was thinking of the 'old bird' that has already been stuffed, not one who is waiting
for it.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 1 Dec 2001 at 17:54 GMT

LOL @ Graham. Kid yourself not Graham dear chap,there's stuffed and there's stuffed, if you put all
the c--k Her Grace has had,end to end, you could build a fence all the way round the Isle of Man. I
have had to censor c--k because the old Bishop of Woolley Bridge is staying at the Ivory Tower this
weekend, and is always poking his nose where it's not wanted.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 1 Dec 2001 at 18:13 GMT

You mean COCK don't you

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 1 Dec 2001 at 20:31 GMT

That wasn't me, mi lord Bishop.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 1 Dec 2001 at 22:43 GMT

Not bashing the bishop *again* are we Wilfred

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 1 Dec 2001 at 23:34 GMT

No, I have someone to do that for me Graham.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® BeeBurble (in the United Kingdom) 1 Dec 2001 at 23:49 GMT

Are the young 'uns invited (I'm 27) if so, where are the Ivory Towers, I wouldn't fancy strutting
round Bradford in my Cerise Velvet Bolero Jacket and matching BatWing asking strangers where I
could find a gagle of woofters having a big gay soiree!

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 2 Dec 2001 at 11:07 GMT

It's the home of our own dear Duchess, who offered the use of the Ivory Tower on Christmas Day,
strange thing is, everyone seems to be doing something that day. Of course you are invited, the
younger ones like myself keep the party going, and we have hired a Dickie Valentine look alike and
I might have got Max Bygraves to singalonga as well.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 2 Dec 2001 at 11:07 GMT

'Someone' Wilf? Why don't you let the rest of us into your wardrobe then? There's half an army
[those that TopTom has finished with] in there.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 2 Dec 2001 at 11:16 GMT

Graham, you are welcome to visit my wardrobe anytime, my someone as been my someone for a very long
time, but I must have a wee diversion from time to time hence CD, and many another Italian looking
beefcakes. (OK so it costs me a fortune, so what). Oh and in there are also four Nubian hunks who
fan me when overheated, I'm off to oil em up now.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 2 Dec 2001 at 16:19 GMT

As the stars [allegedly] demand, do you require an up-to-date clean medical certificate before
entering?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 2 Dec 2001 at 16:30 GMT

But of course, one cannot be too careful (oh that has upset one member of the BR, using "one", I
mean. Part of the fun is scrubbing em down Graham, always wish I had a hosepipe a big a the lovely
Hardhat. By the way, who are you and Stevie coming as?

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Graham (in the United Kingdom) 2 Dec 2001 at 17:03 GMT

*with apologies to the late Peter Cook*


I am not sure we shall be in attendance. I have consulted the diary for the day and find there is
nothing in it. I think that is precisely what I shall be doing. Nothing.

Sorry.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 2 Dec 2001 at 17:08 GMT

Damn, I was hoping Stevie would do the quiz, still, Max has agreed to take part, er not Max
Bygraves, but Max Ollerenshaw, from Ossett Working Mens Club.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® Her Grace (in the United Kingdom) 2 Dec 2001 at 22:30 GMT

My Lord Bishop has finally gone to bed after drinking most of a bottle of my good sherry, or did the
faithful Wilf serve the cheap stuff ? The Advent Procession Service was memorable for him snoring
through the better part of it. He woke up just as they were singing 'As with Gladness Men of Old'.
That gave the old fool a start.

Now I notice that the Suffolk Windbag is making all manner of excuses for not coming to the Staff
party. I bet he has a bit of fluff on the side. Now I wonder who it could be. . . .

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
Hilda Scrubit (in the United Kingdom) 3 Dec 2001 at 08:23 GMT

Although I’m sure it will feel queer to be back in the dismal surroundings of my servitude and
imprisonment, I’ve booked my ticket and I’ll be there. Les Girls will be pleased to hear I’ll be
coming as the fabulous Greta Garbo. We’ve often been mistaken for one another; Ms Garbo was always
being approached by awestruck fans asking, ‘aren’t you Hilda Scrubit?’

I’m looking forward to the party. It’ll be a fine chance to bond with my handsome son. And I might
even get my handbag back.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 3 Dec 2001 at 16:01 GMT

Your Handbag!!! Are you sure that Her Grace has given permission to attend the party, I mean you
have in the past caused a lot of worry and trouble, still if you come as Greta Garbo, (who is doing
the makeup Blue Circle Cement)? Her Grace might not get to hear about it, is Tintin doing the
catering or what, OK it seems he hates Christmas, so he can loose himself in the kitchens and
pretend it's March.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® mouse (in the United Kingdom) 3 Dec 2001 at 16:34 GMT

But you might Hare - where one would expect Turkey!

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® wilf (in the United Kingdom) 3 Dec 2001 at 18:14 GMT

Hare is ok, as long as it's jugged, in fact egg sandwiches would be a Godsend at the moment, that
Scrubbit women has thrown me into a panic, and she's SO common.

Re: The Staff Christmas Party.
® BeeBurble (in the United Kingdom) 3 Dec 2001 at 20:38 GMT

Your Grace,

I would be delighted to attend the staff cristmans party, only I don't know whaere the Ivory Towlers
are?

Could you possibly furnish me with the address?

Thankyou in advance.

Burb.
Countess of Frivolity.