Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Jonathan (in the United Kingdom) 16 Dec 2000 at 22:24 GMT

I have always been looking for a strong love/sex relationship with a real hot stud. I had a long
relationship with a guy, who would say he loved me one minute, then in the next minute would hump
anything behind my back, and often times in my bed, sometimes where I would notice it, or
accidentally stumble upon them. I loved him, but could no longer deal with the carousing, I moved
out but continued to help him with money etc., but the physical love died. Luckily we hadn't had
sex for a long time, as he contracted aids and died. That's been a few years back, I'd love
someone to love in the most physical and passionate manner, yet be warm and compassionate as well.
Maybe share a house with 6 - 8 guys who are couples, but are supportive as a group and passionate
with one another without destroying each other. . . is this possible, do relationships like this
exist? Or should I just give up on life and hapiness.... and end it all. Lonely, but with alot of
love and passion to offer....

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
adl (in Canada) 16 Dec 2000 at 22:36 GMT

Hi Jonathan,

Well, welcome to the holidays! This is the time of year when most people really notice how alone
they are. But alone doesn't have to mean lonely.

Let's go back to your opening line - you mention "love/sex relationship with a real hot stud". That
stud bit gives me concern. Studs tend to live up to their reputation, which they get by banging
anything about - as you've already discovered.

Look, there are lots of great men out there, but meeting them is always the issue. Hang out here for
a while and you'll find some of those guys. A lot of settled, secure men are about, but they're not
necessarily on the scene. They're too busy or not comfortable in bars (could be the smoke, could be
the meat-market feel, could be the loudness of the music which hampers conversation).

You're not a lone, but you can't give up just because you don't have a man in your life. Why not go
back to basics: have you got a friend? Friends count for a hell of a lot. Start there. Ask
him/her/them if they know anyone? Don't be too proud, ask.

As for the living conditions, well, can't help you there. But why not place ads on the net or in
alternative publications seeking like-minded people. You never know who or what you'll meet, but it
could be amusing, if nothing else.

Good luck.

adl

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Toby (in the United Kingdom) 16 Dec 2000 at 23:55 GMT

I don't think there is any easy answer. Like U I sometimes find the lack of a partner hard to bear I
don't think suicide have ever been a serious option for me though I often find life on my own
totally meaningless

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Brodie (in the United Kingdom) 17 Dec 2000 at 00:31 GMT

Jonathan (and perhaps Toby); I am by nature a bit of an optimist, the glass is always half full, but
I hope you won't give up on finding the right person. As the Barbra Streisand song goes 'Love comes
from the most unexpected places' and sometimes when you've given up on it altogether. I don't mean
to be in any way trite, I really *do* believe that things work out for the best when there seems no
prospect of them doing so.

All the best and 'smile', it can be very attractive you know.

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Pezzer (in the United Kingdom) 17 Dec 2000 at 10:09 GMT

It seems from what you're saying that you once had a boyfriend and you weren't happy and now you
don't and you're still not happy - and you have in mind a relationship that will solve all the
problems.

Of course there is such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship? and there's
lots of guys in the blue room that have that kind of relationship.

The questions you might have to ask yourself are - Do you think you can have that sort of
relationship with a man (there'll be loads of guys out there who would offer it) and if you think
you can - where are you likely to find the sort of guy you're looking for? And are you in the
places where he'll find you?

I think these guys turn up when you least expect it!

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
M. (in the United Kingdom) 17 Dec 2000 at 12:38 GMT

Yes there is such a thing as committed love in a Gay relationship. We have an example here, and I am
sure he wont mind my mentioning him, in our Wilf and his partner John, and also Toptom and his
partner 'Bottomtom'. Those are two which spring to mind.

Someone said to me recently that he learned when he went out on 'the scene' that there was someone
for everyone. Well I don't know, I never go out (I'm the BR recluse !), at least not on 'the
scene', but there are ways of seeking out a partner other than that.

Love and lust are not the same, and sex is, well just sex. There is love out there for you, so go
forth and seek it and you will soon come to understand that it will find you if you let it. Good
luck to you.

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
tonyinbkk (in the United Kingdom) 17 Dec 2000 at 13:22 GMT

"Yes" is the simple answer.
Glad to see that all my worthy predecessors have picked up on your opening line re "strong love" and
"hot stud". There has to be a distinct separation of gentitalia, heart and brain if you want
anything to last longer than the average wet and steamy weekend. Too many confuse the three, or
attach importance in wrong proportions - and even Geofrrey Chaucer said, way back in 1330 that "a
love grown old is not the love once new" - but you've discovered that much already.
Love isn't something you say (though it's nice to be told, as long as it isn't always JUST at the
point of orgasm) but something you feel and something you show and practise. It has little to do
with sex, though I can say from experience, and current experience at that, that sex with someone
you truly love is very rewarding - and often has the "passion" you seek. In short, don't give up on
what you seek - it's out there - but maybe you could temper your hopes to be more in line with the
likely realities. Good luck, and Happy Christmas - and with the new Millenium just around the
corner maybe so is what you seek also XXXX

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
tonyinbkk (in the United Kingdom) 17 Dec 2000 at 13:32 GMT

Genitalia, even! Sorry, typing too fast XXXX

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Toptom (in the United Kingdom) 18 Dec 2000 at 08:43 GMT

the answer is yes, Jonathan, of course there is such a thing - thank you M for holding Bottomtom and
me up as a shining example. We may be exemplars, but we're not uniquem, Bottomtom and I have a
longstanding relationship, filled with love and sincere commitment but also with an equal measure
of tolerance for one another's failings, and that's what has kept us together.

If love and committment are what you are after in your relationship then go for it, there are
countless others who feel the same - just don't forget to go easy on yourself, and on him.

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Ged (in the United Kingdom) 18 Dec 2000 at 10:00 GMT

I can say with certainty that there are! I agree that they often come unlooked for!

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Dubkid (in the United Kingdom) 19 Dec 2000 at 05:13 GMT

I've felt the same as Jonathon many times before.

It's normally when I'm feeling low and depressed - I say to myself "if only I had a long-term
boyfriend".

The funny thing is - when I'm in good form, I say to myself "thank God I don't have a long-term
relationship".

Anyway, no matter how much I despair at times, I do believe that there are still guys out there who
would be glad to have me as their boyfriend, who would love me for more than my body - and who
would be happy in a long-term relationship with me.

I know that these guys are really hard to find - as you have to sift through so many wankers first.
However, I couldn't be the only one out there looking for long-term love and support - so I keep
struggling on - and just enjoy myself for the time being.

Things will get better Jonathon.

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Pezzer (in the United Kingdom) 21 Dec 2000 at 11:16 GMT

This room is never without a thread with someone desperate for a long term caring relationship.
IThe difficulty is not finding someone who wants one but finding the right person. If you find the
right person you've got it whether you want it or not!

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Moloch (in Australia) 21 Dec 2000 at 13:49 GMT

Hi Jonathan!

Love is a choice you make.

Being 'In love ' is a hormonal imbalance that can last for quite some time. It can be great fun or
horribly distressing depending on the circumstances...

Decide what you want, despite what people say it is quite possible to have security AND fuck around
like a speeding bunny. You just have to be honest with yourself and with the other guy.

Sadly honesty is in terribly short supply - this is not a gay thing its a human thing just accept
it.

Don't go topping yourself just yet sweetheart, the man I have lived with, played with, fought with
and frequently fucked with for the last nine years turned up in a cafe and was introduced to me by
a mutual fuck-buddy.

Three months later I was on a plane to Australia...

Jonathan, Open you mind and your eyes to the possibilities out there. You may find a cutie with an
attitude, a huge willy and a startling collection of Carpenter's albums. You may find happiness at
the summit of a hill you climbed all by yourself. You may even have a ripping time sucking dicks
thrust at you through holes cut in chipboard walls. Perhaps a nice homely blend of all that and
more.

You are FAR more interesting than a daytime soapie...


Moloch xxx

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
M. (in the United Kingdom) 21 Dec 2000 at 15:39 GMT

As always so vigorous my dear Moloch !

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
BitterAndy 21 Dec 2000 at 20:16 GMT

Am I the only one who's contemplated the demonic response to having a dick shoved at you through a
hole?

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
h™ (in the United Kingdom) 21 Dec 2000 at 20:23 GMT

Very curious idea in the first place. Sounds like desparation.

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
h™ (in the United Kingdom) 21 Dec 2000 at 20:26 GMT

Oops; "desperation'

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
adl (in Canada) 21 Dec 2000 at 20:47 GMT

BA - given your past posts, whether there was a wall around or not, I'd be wary of showing or
shoving my dick anywhere around you. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Baroness Schraeder (in the United Kingdom) 21 Dec 2000 at 20:53 GMT

Whatever turns you on, I suppose H. We're all different, dear. Some might find what turns me on
strange, or a daresay you, or any of us.

Though I wonder what it is that BitterAndy has in mind? Give it a wash, perhaps? Draw a funny face
with a marker pen? <bg>

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
h™ (in the United Kingdom) 21 Dec 2000 at 21:06 GMT

Given your jaundiced outlook on life, Baron(ess), I'd be interested to know what does turn you on.
And I'm not easily surprised.

xvq@hotmail.com

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Baroness Schraeder (in the United Kingdom) 22 Dec 2000 at 02:50 GMT

BaronESS, thank you dear. There is no Baron Schraeder, very much in the same way as there is no
Baron Thatcher. "Thank God" I hear a grateful country mutter.

Jaundiced, dear? Me? But I've had the jabs!!

Baroness@btinternet.com

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
BitterAndy 22 Dec 2000 at 19:25 GMT

ADL - thanks, in my own warped way I find that comment really sweet. : ) (((ADL))).

Baroness Schaeder - If you have to ask, then obviously you haven't hung around here long. I have a
reputation online here for being the incarnation of demonic evil. : ) (Offline I have a developing
reputation as being a hussy)

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
adl (in Canada) 22 Dec 2000 at 19:58 GMT

Thanks BA, I meant it in the nicest possible way. (((BA))) Enjoy the holidays, oh sharp toothed one!

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Baroness (in the United Kingdom) 22 Dec 2000 at 21:01 GMT

Gosh, BitterAndy, you sound exactly like my other half

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
BitterAndy 23 Dec 2000 at 14:29 GMT

You too Adl!!!!

Baroness - I won't ask, but do have a lovely xmas!!! : )

Re: Is there really such a thing as true sincere committed love in a gay relationship?
Baroness Schraeder (in the United Kingdom) 23 Dec 2000 at 14:41 GMT

Why, thank you BitterAndy! How nice of you to say so! And I *insist* you have one yourself, dear!