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Come on, if Mystic Meg and her ilk can do it, so can we!
Wilf:
Unknown househusband and flame of many a weak heart, Wilf of Bewdley, wins iTV2's new talent showcase, The Y Factor, (with no one quite able to work out the Y or wherefor).
Later in the year Wilf dumps his long term lover, John, for Craig Doyle who had only recently stunned the world by coming out of the closet and straight into Wilf's wardrobe.
But the year ends badly for Wilf as Craig is kidnapped by the crew from Songs of Praise and is forced to renounce his wayward ways.
Heartbroken, Wilf, seeks out his previous partner, John; but John - now ensconsed in a relationship with Vic Barlow of Macclesfield Express fame - sends him away with a flea in his ear and a boot up the rear, (which Wilf quite enjoys but that's another story.. er.. prediction).
Val:
World reknowned playboy and prominent intellectual, Val, swaps his penthouse suite for a pensioners bungalow in Cheadle.
Settling down to the quiet life, Val, decides to write his memoirs and his book, 'From Tripod to Bipod to Monopod and Back Again', quickly becomes a topseller in any disreputable bookshop you could name.
With countrywide interest mounting, a bidding war starts for the films rights - with Gene Hackman rumoured to be playing the leading role (and the events being transposed from Glasgow, Thailand and Manchester to Chicago, Los Angeles and Seattle).
Eventually, Val sells the film rights, for an undisclosed sum, to Warner Bros. who promptly turn it into a vehicle for Bugs Bunny.
Scandalised by the bastardisation of his great masterpiece, Val sues Warner Bros for defamation, but the court case draws on as the year comes to a close, with Val fast running out of funds with which to fight his corner with - but, never to be downhearted, Val is found to be working on the much anticipated follow up to his autobiography - 'Bugs Bunny - My Part In His Downfall'.
River Thames:
2005 turns to be extremely fortunate for Mr Thames as, in January, River wins ROB's 'Flash Pornstar of the Year' with the prize being a 6 month contract working in Amsterdam and a jackpot of €20,000.
Thus River and his long serving partner, Boatman, depart for Amsterdam to take up River's lucrative contract.
However, come June, River has proved to be a very awkward and exacting cloakroom attendent for Basil's Strip Club & Basement Coffee House and finds his contract is not to be renewed.
Thus, finding themselves at a loose end, River and Boatman decide to withdraw the €20,000 prize they wisely banked in Switzerland and take off on a whistle stop tour of Europe.
Thus as 2005 draws to a close, the whereabouts of River and Boatman are not known exactly, but conclusions made about the reasons for the conjoined postman and milkman strike in southern Spain are said to be unfounded.
harpie and mouse:
2005 sees harpie finally come to his senses and leave his partner, mouse, for pastures new in Germany working on the new aeronautical european government funded project, The Bushwhacker.
In Munich, harpie finds himself a new love, Hans, who owns and runs a gay bar in the red light district.
Then, around August, lightning strikes twice as Hans' newly booked european drag queen sensation turns out be none other than mouse working his ticket around Europe - but this time it is not harpie that falls for mouse but Hans!
Thus, ever the home wrecker, mouse persuades Hans to kick harpie out (Boo! Hiss! - Ed.) and harpie is forced to seek sanctuary at his foreman's apartment.
Thus, having lost the will to live, harpie has sadly let himself go and become tardy and an alcoholic, but suddenly there is an upturn when his German employers decided that this is just the man to run their entire project and thus harpie finds himself on the rise again.
Whilst in Hans' gay bar in Munich's red light district, Hans' has quickly become disenchanted with mouse's entire incapability to do a decent day's work and has thrown mouse out with the rubbish.
So, as 2005 draws to a close, harpie appears to have found a new wind to his sails (must be the sauerkraut - Ed.) whilst mouse appears most nights in his drag revue for the street cats.
Satyricon:
Bored with life at Tesco, Satyricon decides to go solo and opens up his own market stall in Camden's 'The Stables' selling saucy night wear for the fuller figure.
In late July, Eros strikes when a smart looking and well to do gentleman, Percy Slingback, visits Satyricon's market stall looking for something for his wife for their 30th wedding anniversary - and Percy falls instantly for Satyricon's unusually good looks and bonhomie manner and the two of them instantly strike up a friendship that quickly blooms into a full blown romance.
Realising that the past 30 years has been a terrible mistake, Percy persuades his wife to divorce him, and moves into Satyricon's apartment in Earls Court where the two get on like a house on fire.
Languishing in the springfull joys of new love, Percy and Satyricon publicly display their love for each other by taking part in the parade at Brighton Pride, and the year ends with the couple being one of the first and most keenest to sign up to the government's new partnership register for same sex couples, (with Brodie acting as best man, Helen as bridesmaid, and Melba catching the bouquet).
TisFrank:
TisFrank scandalises all when it emerges that he is responsible for the disappearance of countless men - with Gary Barlow being only the most famous amongst them.
Thus the summer is full of the complete and horrific details of TisFrank's activities of what is rumoured to be a period of 65 years before he was caught.
However, because of the tabloids' tactlessness, it is felt that TisFrank can not receive a fair trial and thus a historic precedent is set when a jury from Iceland is specially brought in for the trial.
Eventually, pandemonium breaks out when the trial collapses on a technicality and TisFrank is released from custody.
Thus the year ends in rumour for TisFrank, with some suggesting that he has been employed as a torturer in an American Iraqi war camp and others suggesting that he has been employed as an overseer at ask.com.
Tintin:
In 2005 Tintin finally finishes his book, 'Tintin and the Great Mancunian Adventure', which proves to be one of the least satisfactory in the Tintin series, with many readers being completely befuddled as to why Captain Haddock has swapped his ship for an appartment in a N.E. Manchester high rise and the Thompson Twins have suddenly lost 20 years in age.
Thus, having lost the rights to the series when they were unceremoniously seized from him by Professor Calculus, Tintin is forced to head back home to Belgium and seek employment there as a teacher of the english language for those seeking illegal immigration, and sets about writing a course book which he hopes to sell to his students.
The book, 'How What To Speak The English The Way Proper', is completed and published in October, and, finding no buyers, (largely because the illegal immigrants don't have any money), Tintin is forced to exchange the book for favours.
Then, as the year draws to an end, Tintin has a shock when he finds that he is wanted for questioning by British Immigration when more and more illegal immigrants are found with the book in their possession and none other than Thompson and Thompson are on his case and Tintin is forced to flee with Snowy in tow for another adventure who knows where, but be sure to tune in this time next year for another installment in 'Tintin and the Mysterious Case of the Illegals What Hid In My Briefcase'.
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I hope you're predictions are right Pseud, we have a niece who is doing a trip around the world at the mo, with her boyfriend, something I've always wished I had done, well Europe will do for now!