The metallic doors of the elevator slid open with a soft, squishing sound and a green-skinned, slug-faced man stepped onto the bridge, wearing a white apron and orange plastic gloves, "Thlimuth Handth, reporting for duty, Captain.", he spluttered. A stream of yellow slime dribbled down the green mans chin and his tentacles stood upright. He saluted, with a gloved hand, in the direction of the captains chair.
"He iss in his cabin.", hissed Ebony. "He doesn't wish to be disturbed."
Slimus Hands scratched his head, "Oh well, in that caith, can you tell me where the galley ith?."
A handsome, bare-chested, pale-skinned youth with spikey silver hair, lay on the captains bed, next to a slim, naked, dark-skinned teenage boy, shuffling a pack of Venusian playing cards. A blue-skinned man wearing a pair of white briefs, sat on the edge of the bed, smoking a long purple cigarette. Billy Bones inhaled deeply and breathed out a plume of violet smoke.
"Captain, pplease report to the bridge.", purred the soft voice of The communications officer, over the intercom.
"What's the problem?", asked the captain.
"I'm receiving a long-range transmission Sir.", purred Ben Gunn.
"I said that I did not want to be disturbed.", sighed the blue man.
"It's on an Association frequency, Sir."
Silver zipped up the fly of his black plasteen jeans.
Captain Bones smiled at the naked dark-skinned Nubian, lying on the bed. "I think your Academy friends might be looking for you."
Hawkins raised his eyebrows, "Tell them, I resign.", smiled the boy, playing with his long thick brown cock.
"The message isn't for Mister Hawkins Sir.", purred the soft voice of the communications officer, "It's for you."
"Who's it from?", asked the captain, pulling up his trousers.
"Its from Admiral Durake of The Golden Hind, Sir.", replied the red, furry Felitian boy, "They are demanding our immediate surrender."
"How far away are they?", asked the blue-skinned man.
"Twenty four hours by light-speed.", replied Ben Gunn.
Captain Bones stood up, "Captain to engine-room."
"Yes Sir.", grunted Chief Engineer Morgan.
"Power up the thermo-reaction chamber."
"Aye, aye Captain.", acknowledged the pig-faced Hogian.
"Captain to armoury, arm all weapons and load trimorphic torpedoes."
"Yes, Sir.", replied Gunner Lo.
"Captain to pilot, get us out of this quadrant."
"What is our destination?", asked the sharp metallic voice of Exquimilian.
"As far away from that Association vessel as possible."
"Engaging light-speed drive.", replied the cyborg.
Captain Bones picked up a silver plasteen jacket from the floor and handed it to the young bare-chested Venusian, "We're needed on the bridge."
The dark-skinned youth was now wearing a pair of blue briefs, he was busy picking up various items of clothing, scattered about the room, "Same time tomorrow?", asked Hawkins, hopefully.
The blue man nodded, "If we're still alive."
Silver stood up and put his arms around the captains neck. They embraced and kissed passionately, their tongues dancing in each-others mouths. The young Venusian stepped back and undid the button of the blue mans jeans, he unzipped the fly and squeezed the growing bulge beneath the captains white silk briefs.
The dark-skinned Nubian youth coughed, "I thought we were needed on the bridge.", he sighed.
Captain Bones smiled, "We'll meet you there in five minutes."
The young Venusian knelt down and clenched the blue mans buttocks. "Better make that fifteen minutes.", smiled Billy Bones, running his fingers through his boyfriends spikey hair.
The silver-haired youth looked up at the captain, "Life is just one long, big adventure.", he sighed.
The Nubian Youth rubbed his groin with his right hand and Silver pulled his boyfriends jeans down to his ankles. Hawkins stood behind the blue man and put his hands around his waist, "Do you think they can manage upstairs without me, for a while?", he whispered.
"Captain to the bridge.", smiled the blue man.
"Yess Sssir.", hissed the snake-headed woman in the captains chair.
"We'll be up there in fifteen minutes.", William Bones gazed down at the silver haired youth kneeling in front of him, "Better make that half an hour."
The metallic doors of the elevator closed with a soft, squishing sound. Ebony stood up and William Bones sat down in the captains chair. Silver sat down at the command consule and pressed a few buttons, "The Association vessel is on an intercept course, Captain. It is closing in on our position.", announced the young Venusian, rolling up the sleeves of his green and black striped sweater.
"Captain to armoury, battlestations. Engage plate-shielding.", ordered the blue-skinned man, buttoning up his black cotton jacket.
"Yes Sir.", acknowledged Gunner Lo.
William Bones flicked a switch on the captains chair and the bright neon lights of the bridge changed from white to red and began to flash, on and off. "Captain to all crew, man your stations. This is a red alert."
The jet-black plate shielding roared like thunder, as it engulfed the ship. "Captain to pilot, we need more speed."
"Unable to comply.", replied Exquimilian in a sharp metallic voice.
"How long until they catch up with uss?", hissed Ebony.
Reed stared at the figures on her consule, "I estimate time of intercept at five hours and fifteen minutes."
Morgan slammed a hoof-like hand on the engineering consule, "Captain, we're losing power in the thermo-reaction chamber. Our engines are failing."
There was a loud whistling sound and The Quadagh Mercenary dropped out of light-speed. The dazzling, kaleidoscopic patterns on the viewscreen faded to reveal a black ocean, polkadotted with glittering silver stars. "How long do we have now?", hissed the snake-headed woman.
"Five minutes.", replied the bald-headed clone.
The golden arrowhead glistened under the bright pink light of the Herculian sun, it was about half the size of the pirate ship, but armed to the teeth with weaponry.
"I'm receiving a transmission.", purred the red, furry Felitain boy, sitting at the communications consule.
The Quadagh Mercenary floated motionless in space, like an ear-wig caught in a spiders web.
"Put it through on the main viewer.", ordered Captain Bones,
The double-chinned face of Admiral Durake filled the viewscreen at the front of the bridge. "Are you having a problem with your engines?", chuckled the ginger haired man in the green uniform.
Captain Bones scratched his bearded chin, "How did you guess? I suppose you want me to surrender the vessel."
Admiral Durake laughed, "Now, what would be the fun in that? I want to watch your ship burn like a Krakalian fire-fly in the mating season."
Reed stared at the face on the viewscreen, "I know him.", she stuttered, "That's the man in my dreams."
"He's the man of your dreams?", questioned Silver, raising his left eyebrow.
"The one who raped me!", shouted the bald-headed clone.
Admiral Durake looked towards the pale-skinned science officer, "Miss Reed, I presume. I've met one of your sisters."
Reed stood up from her consule, "Is she with you?", she asked.
"She is dead, I'm afraid.", sighed the ginger haired man on the viewscreen, "The poor girl banged her head, it was a tragic accident."
Mari Reed took a deep breath, she wished that she could cry, but clones do not have tear ducts. She blinked her opaque, white eyes and sat down in her chair.
William Bones stood up, "You have a very fast ship, I am impressed."
"The Golden Hind is the fastest ship in The Association, armed with the most sophisticated weapons that money can buy.", Admiral Durake was obviously very proud of his vessel, "One single titanium torpedo would crush the plate-shielding of your ship like an egg-shell being hit by a hammer."
Christopher Hawkins stood up from his consule, "Excuse me Sir, permission to speak?", he requested.
"What do you want, boy?", asked Admiral Durake, annoyed at the interruption.
The Nubian youth crossed his hands behind his back and pointed out three fingers. "I am an Academy cadet, my ship crash-landed and I was the only survivor, Captain Bones rescued me."
The blue-skinned man drummed his fingers on the arm of the captains chair. Hawkins turned around and coughed, he scratched the back of his neck with two fingers and then turned again to face the viewscreen, Ebony rested a hand on her consule.
"I surrender myself to the Association, may I have permission to come aboard?", asked the brown-skinned youth, scratching his back. Hawkins clenched his thumbs and stretched out eight fingers.
Admiral Durake shrugged his shoulders, "Only if you want to be executed for desertion, Cadet."
Billy Bones tapped his fingers on the captains chair.
There was a muffled, coughing sound, coming from behind the admiral, the ginger haired man looked over his shoulder and then turned back to face the viewscreen, "I have some-one here who wants to talk to you.". The face of Walter Reilly appeared on the screen, his grey hair was cut short and he wore the uniform of an Association Leftenant.
"I see you've been demoted.", smiled the blue-skinned man.
"You are a dead man Mister Bonnay, and you are sitting in my chair.", replied Leftenant Reilly.
The Nubian youth clasped his hands behind his back, he now held out four fingers. "I presume you want your ship back.", the blue man tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair, "I'd love to stay and chat about old times, but I've just disabled your weapons systems and your engines."
"Engineering to bridge.", came the gruff voice of Chief Engineer Morgan, "The thermo-reaction chamber is re-charged and hyper-drive engines are back on line."
Captain Bones smiled at the face of his ex-commanding officer, "I'll see you in Hell, Leftenant. Captain to pilot, I need light-speed. Now!", commanded Captain Bones.
A bright white light engulfed the Quadagh Mercenary and a dazzling display of kaleidoscopic patterns danced across the viewscreen.
Hawkins turned around to face his captain, "I'm glad Morgan managed to salvage the electro-disrupter from my ship."
William Bones sat down in the captains chair, "I'm just glad you managed to remember the Golden Hinds security codes."
The young Nubian shrugged his shoulders, "I served on the ship for two months, just after it had been commissioned."
Commander Silver stood up and walked towards the elevator doors. "And where are you going?", asked the blue-skinned man.
"We haven't finished our card game.", sighed the spikey-haired Venusian.
The metal doors slid open with a soft, squishing sound and Commander Silver stepped into the elevator, "Are you boys coming?", he asked.
The blue-skinned man stood up. "Ebony, take the captains chair. I'll be in my cabin if you need me."
"Yesss Ssir.", hissed the snake headed Medusan.
"Beep...beep...beep", a light flashed on the communications console, "Wait a minute, Captain.", purred Ben Gunn.
"Now what?", asked the blue skinned man.
"I'm picking up a signal, Sir.", replied the small, furry Felitian.
"Is it from the Golden Hind?", asked the captain, sitting back down in his chair.
"I'm just translating it now.", Ben Gunn pressed a button on the communications console, "The transmission is coming from a space-station in this quadrant, it's in Human, but it's not on an Association frequency."
Commander Silver sat down at the command consule, "Shall I plot an intercept course?", he asked, looking over his shoulder at the captain.
The blue-skinned man nodded. "Pilot, how long will it take to reach the space-station."
"One and a half hours on impulse power.", replied the sharp metallic voice of Exquimilian.
"Mister Gunn, activate the main viewer.", ordered Captain Bones.
The screen crackled and buzzed into life, and a tall, thin, blonde haired Human wearing a grey Monks cassock and skull cap, appeared on the view-screen, a large gold crucifix hung on a heavy golden chain around the young mans skinny neck. "Hallelulah!", shouted the man, raising his hands in the air.
"What can I do for you?", asked the blue-skinned man in the captains chair.
"Praise the Lord.", smiled the blonde-haired man, "My name is Brother Justice, are you a pilgrim?", he asked.
The blue man shook his head, "Not quite."
"You are welcome to our church.", the young Monk crossed his chest with his right fore-finger.
Commander Silver scratched his head, "What church?", he asked.
The young man smiled, "This space-station is our church, our purpose is to guide our fellow pilgrims to the gates of Heaven."
"And what is the name of your 'church?'", asked Captain Bones.
"We call it 'The Cathedral', replied Brother Justice.
The Cathedral was a small white cylindrical shaped space-station, floating in the black emptiness of space.
Mari Reed stood at the science station, she pressed a button on her consule, "The station is unarmed, Captain."
"We mean you no harm.", smiled the grey cassocked Monk.
Captain Bones scratched his bearded chin, "You are a long way from home."
Brother Justice sat down on a large red and green jewel-encrusted golden throne, "And the Lord put the stars in the open firmament of Heaven, to give light unto the Earth.", he explained. "We are just trying to spread that light a little further and we would be honoured if you would be our guests."
"That is very kind of you.", smiled Captain Bones.
"We are your humble servants.", Brother Justice smiled at the blue-skinned man on his monitor, "We rarely have visitors, it would indeed be a privilage if you would join us for supper?"
William Bones scratched his chin, "Thank you for the invitation."
Brother Justice clasped his hands across his stomach, "Please feel free to bring two of your friends. I am afraid that we do not have enough food to feed the rest of your crew, we are a simple people with scarce means.". The monk looked towards the giant Minovan, standing behind the captains chair, "We only eat dead animals I'm afraid, so please don't bring him with you."
The blue man looked over his shoulder at the bull-headed giant, "He's my body-guard."
Brother Justice laughed, "And we are but simple monks. I only have one other condition that I must humbly impose upon you, please leave your weapons behind, violence is against our religion."
"And what religion is that?" , asked the blue-skinned man in the captains chair.
"We are The Church of The Seven Virtues.", replied the monk.
Teach leant over the back of the captains chair and whispered into the blue mans ear, "It smells like a trap to me, Sir."
"Maybe.", whispered Billy Bones over his shoulder, "But did you see what that chair was made of?". Captain Bones turned his head to face the viewscreen and smiled, "I would be delighted to join you for dinner, we should rendevouz with you in less than an hour.", he pressed a button on the captains chair and the view-screen went blank.
William Bones, Ebony and Ben Gunn sat at a long ornately carved wooden table, laden with strange smelling alien meats, exotic fruits and odd shaped vegetables, served on golden platters. Brother Justice sat at the far end of the table, opposite an old grey haired man wearing a white monks cassock.
Mari Reed pressed a button on the science-station, "I've lost their communication signal, Commander. The Cathedral has erected some kind of force-field, it's blocking our transmissions."
"Shall I order Gunner Lo to arm our weapons?", asked the young Nubian sitting at the command consule.
Commander Silver shook his head, "The Captain is on that space-station, Mister Hawkins. Do you want to blow him up as well?", asked the silver-haired Venusian in the captains chair. "Teach, see if you can find some way to penetrate the force-field."
"Yes, Sir.", acknowledged the giant Minovan standing at the communications console, "I knew it was a trap.", he grunted.
Silver turned his chair to face the Minovan, "So did the Captain."
Three white-skinned Plutonian females, dressed in nuns habits, sat opposite the pirates, and on either side of the visitors sat two hooded Aphroditian males, wearing monks cassocks.
Brother Prudence clasped his hands together in prayer and bowed his head, "For what we are about to receive, may we be truly thankful.", whispered the purple cassocked monk .
"Amen.", sighed the old man in the white cassock, Father Fortitude picked up a golden jug and poured himself half a glass of blue wine.
"Please help yourself to whatever takes your fancy.", frowned the fat monk in the brown cassock. "I'm not a great cook, I'm afraid.", sighed Brother Temperence.
Captain Bones picked up a piece of meat and took a bite, he chewed it for several minutes before swallowing, "It tastes delicious, what is it?", he asked.
"Some kind of alien dog, I think.", sighed the fat monk.
Brother Prudence stared at Captain Bones and smiled, he put his right hand under the table and squeezed the blue mans left thigh.
Billy Bones whispered into the handsome young monks right ear, "Is it true what they say about Aphroditians?", he asked.
The pretty young monk licked his lips, "Why don't you find out?"
The blue-skinned man stood up, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the toilet."
Brother Prudence smiled, "I'll show you the way.", he stood up, "Follow me.", suggested the handsome, dark-haired monk.
The door of the toilet cubicle closed with a "chink".
Captain Bones put his arms around the young monk and they kissed, Brother Prudence parted his full pink lips and the captain slipped his tongue into the boys warm wet mouth. The blue-skinned man ran his fingers through the young monks wavy brown hair and squeezed his firm buttock cheeks with his left hand. The boy unzipped the captains black rubberskin jeans and fumbled inside his briefs, he pulled out the blue mans cock and wanked it back and forth. Captain Bones knelt down on the white polished floor of the toilet cubicle and Brother Prudence lifted up his purple cassock to his waist. The blue-skinned man licked the monks long thick penis and guided the missile into his mouth, he suchard on the boys cock. "Do you fuck?", asked the young Aphroditian, licking his lips.
Captain Bones looked up at the handsome monk and smiled. He let the boys large pink penis slip out of his mouth, "I prefer being fucked.", he smiled.
"Bend over the toilet.", suggested Brother Prudence, pulling the captains jeans down to his knees, he reached inside the pocket of his purple cassock and took out a tube of lubricating jelly.
The blue-skinned man smiled, "I see you came prepared.", he turned around and leant over the toilet, resting his hands on the lavatory seat.
There was a knock on the toilet door, "What are you doing in there?", asked Brother Temperence.
"What do you think?", asked Brother Prudence.
"Can I join in?", asked the brown cassocked monk, outside the toilet cubicle.
"Go away.", shouted the purple-cassocked Aphroditian.
"Please.", begged the fat monk.
"Fuck off Fatty!", suggested Brother Prudence.
"Oh, be like that.", huffed Brother Temperence, slamming the toilet door.
The slim handsome monk squeezed the captains firm round buttocks and slid his long thick cock up the blue mans anus. "That's fantastic.", gasped Billy Bones.
Brother Prudence pushed his cock deeper and deeper up the blue mans arsehole, the captain wanked his cock in rhythm to the monks thrusts. "I'm going to come.", gasped the boy.
A jet of creamy white jism shot out of the captains throbbing willy, splashing onto the toilet seat, "So have I.", sighed the blue man.
Captain Bones buttoned his jacket and sat down at the dinner table, "Sorry we took so long, I got stuck in the toilet."
Brother Prudence straightened his purple cassock and sat down beside the blue-skinned man.
Sister Hope picked up a crystal goblet and raised it in the air, "Good health to you Gentlemen.", smiled the young white-skinned woman in the pink nuns habit.
"Do you believe in God?", asked Mother Faith, she was an old green-haired Plutonian woman with a wrinkled smile and she wore a black nuns habit.
Captain Bones smiled at the old woman, "I suppose that depends upon what you mean by 'God'."
The old woman took a sip of blue wine from a crystal goblet.
Ben Gunn picked his nose and wiped the bogie under the table.
Father Fortitude leant back in his chair and closed his eyes.
"I hope you are enjoying your meal.", smiled the young nun in the pink habit, "Maybe you will visit us again?", asked Sister Hope.
Ebony took a bite from a square yellow fruit, "It is very tasty.", hissed the snake-headed Medusan.
A middle-aged Plutonian woman wearing a green nuns habit picked up a bowl of fruit and handed it to Ebony, "Please, have another Pukka-fruit.", suggested Sister Charity, "There is plenty more where that came from."
Captain Bones frowned, "You eat very well for a group of 'humble' monks.", he sighed.
Brother Justice stood up. "I'm afraid that I have a confession to make.", the young man clasped his hands under the flaps of his grey cassock.
"Let me guess.", sighed Captain Bones, "You're not really 'men of the cloth'."
Brother Temperence prodded the blue-skinned man in the ribs with the barrel of a zap-gun, "We're bounty hunters, actually."
"I had my suspicions."
Father Fortitude opened his eyes and smiled, "How did you guess?", asked the old monk in the white cassock.
The blue man stood up, "There's no such thing as a 'free lunch'."
"I suppose you are going to hand us over to The Association.", hissed Ebony.
Brother Justice laughed, "Please don't take it personally, we're just trying to earn a living.", the grey cassocked monk picked up a crystal goblet and took a sip of Yovian beatle-beer.
The snake-headed woman licked her lips with her long forked tongue and spat a mouthful of venom in the young monks face, Brother Justice screamed in agony and fell to his knees, clutching his hands to his burning face. Billy Bones lifted up the table and tipped it towards the three Plutonian nuns, trapping them between the table and the wall. Ben Gun flexed his paws and extended ten razor-sharp claws, swiping Father Fortitude across the face in one single, fluid movement. The old man fell back in his chair, scarlet blood pouring from the cuts in his face.
Captain Bones pressed a button on his wrist communicator.
"Don't bother.", suggested the brown cassocked Monk, aiming a vap-gun at the captains head, "It won't work. This space-station may be un-armed but it is equiped with a high-density electro-magnetic forcefield."
Brother Prudence stood up, "We'd rather take you in alive, if at all possible, but dead will do."
Billy Bones smiled at the young purple-cassocked monk, "I've got a better idea, come and join my crew.", he suggested.
The fat monk laughed, "He won't fool for that one."
Brother Prudence licked his full pink lips and smiled, "Okay.", he replied.
Ben Gunn leapt at the fat brown robed monk, his claws extended towards the bounty hunter, Brother Temperence turned his head and aimed his gun in the direction of the small red Felitian boy. Ebony spat another stream of venom at the brown monks eyes, before he had time to fire a shot. The fat Aphroditian screamed in pain, "I'm fucking blinded.", he yelled, rubbing his stinging eyes with the palms of his hands.
Captain Bones picked up the vap-gun and aimed it at Brother Justice's head. The other 'pilgrims' raised their hands in surrender.
Ben Gunn managed to disable the force-field within minutes.
Brother Justice, Brother Temperence and Father Fortitude were locked in the air-lock of The Cathedral with Mother Hope and the two Plutonian nuns, Sister Faith and Sister Charity.
"Are you sure you want to stay behind?", asked Captain Bones.
Brother Prudence kissed the captain on the cheek, "I can't just abandon them in space."
"Why not?", hissed Ebony.
"Honour amongst thieves?", suggested the blue-skinned captain.
"I'll catch up with you as soon as possible.", replied the young Aphroditian.
Billy Bones fumbled inside the right-hand pocket of his black plasteen jeans and handed a small golden disc to Brother Prudence, "It's tuned into the Quadagh Mercenarys communication signal.", he handed the tracking-device to the purple cassocked monk.
"Don't forget me.", smiled the handsome Aphroditian.
"That would be impossible.", laughed the captain. The blue-skinned man raised his left arm and pressed a button on his wrist-communicator, the face of Commander Silver appeared on the screen. "Did you enjoy your supper, Captain?", asked the young handsome Venusian.
Captain Bones smiled, "We have a Cathedral to plunder, Mister Silver, bring Teach and Mister Rackman with you."
"What about the monks?", asked the silver haired youth in the captains chair.
"There's no need to worry about them, they are in good hands.", replied the blue-skinned man.
"What if they come looking for us?", asked the Venusian.
"Oh, I hope that one of them does, I just gave him a tracking-disc. Hopefully he will be joining us soon.", Captain Bones smiled at the young handsome Aphroditian.
Commander Silver raised his left eye-brow, "What's his name?"
Billy Bones looked at Brother Prudence and shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know, what is your name?",
"Bartholemew.", replied the young Aphroditian.
Callico jack Rackman sat on a red and green jewel-encrusted golden throne in the cargo hold of the Quadagh Mercenary, amidst a pile of gold and silver jewellery, golden plates and crystal goblets. "They lived quite well for a group of 'humble' monks.", sighed the one-eyed quatermaster.
"A little too well.", laughed Captain Bones. "Do you think you can find us a buyer for our treasure?"
The one eyed Human smiled, "I still have a few contacts in this sector of the galaxy, it shouldn't be too much trouble to off-load the booty."
The blue-skinned man scratched his right ear-lobe, "Make sure that all the crew get their fair share of the profits."
"And how much for the captain?", asked Callico Jack.
Captain Bones rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand, "Fifty percent for the ship, to pay for weapons, food, supplies and repairs. I'll take ten percent."
The rosy cheeked quatermaster looked puzzled, "But the captain usually takes twenty five percent, Sir."
The blue-skinned man shrugged his shoulders, "I'm feeling genorous. To be honest with you, Mister Rackman, I'm not in this game for the money."
Callico Jack raised his eyebrows, "Then why did you become a pirate?"
Billy Bones smiled, "Just for the sheer 'glamour' of it, I suppose."